Do you ever step outside and realize your depression has lifted. The air feels clean and cool while you smoke the last of a cigaret and stare off into the stars. That is how I felt this evening ....a major lift from depression.
I am no longer worried about any of my doctor appointments or their outcomes. I am not worried about the bills. I am not worried about the future. But I am still often worried to leave the house. How does that make sense?
Not depressed just riddled with anxiety.
Anyhow I am doing alright and don't have much else to say....except that I highly recommend going to see the movie Lawless. It was incredibly good!
During the winter of '08 to the Spring of '09(about 5 months)I was in bed and could not bring myself out of it. The TV was on, but I have no idea what I was watching. For the most part I just stared out and slept. Denny brought me food to my bed (he since found out that was a big mistake on his part. During that time, my hygiene was bad and the house was trashed, (I did all the cleaning previously)
ReplyDeleteSomething happened after my mental health center came and forcibly removed me from my home and brought me to the hospital. I got mad, really mad and I think that is what brought me out of it. I call it my "click" that time when everything in my head changed.
I started to see everything around me and when I returned home I still had that fear of leaving home. It was so nice and safe there. I realized that I seriously needed to clean my apartment and worked my way out of my room and cleaned each room slowly. After I was satisfied with my apartment I gradually stepped outside, first just standing on my porch and then down the block. Doing all that took months as well.
By the end of that summer I was able to do just about everything that I was doing before the "great depression". It was a long process but since I have learned how it started and how to make sure that it doesn't happen again.
I hope you can find your way again. Yeah you will feel the anxiety, boy did I ever feel it. I knew I would feel like I would die, but I also knew that the anxiety would not kill me. Do I still get anxiety, hell yes, but I use my skills and remember to just ride with it, because everything that I have done since 2009 has made me a better person, and I don't want to lose that.
I hope the best for you and will be here to be your cheering squad.
What a wonderful feeling - I am so glad you are there. Isn't it lovely to not worry about the future and how things are going to work out? I think once we realize that things are going to happen the way they are supposed to - no matter what we think, we move into a good place. Everything else will fall into place.
ReplyDeleteHave a good weekend!
It is a beautiful feeling when you come to the realization that it has lifted! I'm so happy for you honey. Hopefully the anxiety will diminish soon.
ReplyDeleteHugs!